This week, Bill Cosby has taken it upon himself to solve the great mysteries of life; where did we come from, where are we going; and who's responsible for murder.
Bill Cosby says that "the gun" is responsible for murder.
Firearms are inanimate objects; they can do nothing on their own. It is the operator who's responsible for what is done with the object; not the object who's responsible for the operator.
And as such, I have decided to demonstrate the absurd bloviations of Bill Cosby with a little absurdity of my own.
Here is the original article;
http://m.washingtontimes.com/
And this is what it SHOULD read;
"Bill Cosby weighs in on Snooki's fat ass."
"The spoon™." Those two simple words flowed easily from the mouth of social commentator Bill Cosby during an exclusive interview Friday
regarding the recent weight gain of the colorful character from M-TV's
hit television show, "The Jersey Shore."
Nicole Elizabeth "Snooki" Polizzi appears to have gained an enormous
amount of weight over the last few months with rumors swirling of
pregnancy; these rumors were dispelled today to the disappointment of many loyal fans; the irrefutable fact being that no man would ever touch her, willingly, and as there are no reports of sexual assaults on the mentally ill, paraplegic, blind, retarded or pool boy's named Carlos; it is generally believed that pregnancy is simply not possible.
Mr. Cosby, a Navy veteran, said “the spoon™” empowered Ms. Snooki, whose actions of wanton consumption have stirred a firestorm of debate, protests and even remarks from First Lady Michelle Obama.
“We’ve got to get "the spoon™" out of the hands of people who are supposed to be on a diet,” said Mr. Cosby, whose remarks were the first he has made publicly about the case.
“Without "the spoon™," I don’t see Ms. Snooki approaching the buffet line by herself,” Mr. Cosby explained. “The "power-of-the-spoon™" mentality had her unafraid to confront the enormous pile of fresh baked donuts at the Atlantic Hotel and Casino; even police call for backup in similar situations."
“When you carry "the spoon™," you mean to eat something; you mean eat the hell out of something.” he said.
An award-winning actor and great American humorist, Mr. Cosby, 74, is best known for the ground-breaking NBC sit-com “The Cosby Show,” stand-up routines and recorded performances, all of which are infused with anti-obese humor.
Scheduled to perform April 28 at the Kennedy Center, Mr. Cosby continues to grace multiple platforms, and is scheduled to tickle funny bones as co-emcee at the April 12 gala celebrating the reopening of the historic Wellville vomitorium, first built and operated by Kellogg's Cereal inventor, John Harvey Kellogg, in the early part of the twentieth century, and which filed for bankruptcy protection in 1921.
Famous attendees at the Kellogg Wellville vomitorium included President Warren Harding, Maria Schreiber, W.C. Fields, Mae West, Calista Flockheart, and Billie Holiday; Wellville was never segregated.
But it was another anniversary that Mr. Cosby wanted to speak about today; the 30th anniversary of the US Supreme Court decision to allow spoons to be sold to the public without restrictions.
Mr. Cosby claims the failure of the Justices to place tight restrictions on the possession of jumbo sized spoons, self-filling spoons, collapsible spoons, and large packages of plastic spoons which can be easily concealed and which cannot be detected by metal detectors, has placed the public in peril.
He is demanding that congress immediately enact laws to protect the public by regulating possession of "the spoon™," through licensing and registration, fingerprinting, FBI background checks, and a slew of State and local ordinances to control where and how spoons may be possessed by the pubic, and to place tough restrictions on the concealed carry of "the spoon™."
"Nobody except the Police should ever have "the spoon™" in public; this is America, not the wild west; we don't tolerate vigilante consumption any longer."
When asked about his opposition to possession of "the spoon™" by minors, Mr. Cosby replied; "It just isn't safe to allow children access to "the spoon™." Only a crazy person would think its okay for children to have "the spoon™" at school or any other public place; they're just too dangerous! We also need to prohibit the possession of "the spoon™" by adults in a 1,000 foot radius of any school; mere proximity gives our children the wrong message that "the spoon™" is harmless and that it is the hand that lifts the spoon to the mouth which is to blame; the fact is, without the spoon NOBODY could ever become obese!!!"
Mr. Cosby takes pride in his battle on the forefront of other controversial social policy such as mandatory licensing and powerful restrictions on businesses that sell spoons, allow the use of spoons, provide spoons for their customers use while on their premises, or which provide their customers with spoons for take-out meals.
"You can't just have every person out there with "the spoon™," Mr. Cosby said. "That's just insanity! Imagine if every person in the world had a spoon; everyone would be so grossly overweight that they would require a great deal of medical care, and that could bankrupt the world economy."
Mr. Cosby was unable to provide a reason as to why there were so many starving children in Africa, despite the proliferation of "the spoon™" to almost every person as a result of civil unrest and vicious coup-de-tat's beginning in the 1960's; "I simply don't know."
In his remarks at a 2004 event raising public awareness of the
virulent increase of "the spoon ™" in society and denouncing the "TEA SPOON™" as being a "Carefully constructed Trojan Horse of the TEA PARTY" to ensnare our youth into the gritty world of "spoon-on-tongue violence™."
Mr. Cosby pointed out to the audience that spoon manufacturers had essentially created a new lower rung on the socioeconomic ladder by failing to provide parents with tools to police their children's eating habits.
Since then, he has traveled the nation and used social media to expound the virtues of nanny government supervision, responsible rationing of food to the obese, and to share his vision of a "spoon free society™."
©Ryan J Herle, 2012
I grant free license for the use of this peace for any non-commercial purpose, except for social commentary and/or criticism of the author; use of this work in whole or in part for commercial purposes or ad hominem comments about the author are specifically prohibited; US and International Copyright laws apply. Violations of applicable law are investigated and prosecuted by the FBI.
This piece may not be altered in any way; it must be quoted "as written;" including vernacular, spelling, or sentence structure; no "out of context" quotes may be made. All use must attribute the original author.
"The spoon™" is copyrighted and a trademark of Ryan J Herle under US and International Law. Commercial use is prohibited.
"power-of-the-spoon™" is copyrighted and a trademark of Ryan J Herle under US and International Law. Commercial use is prohibited.
"Spoon-on-tongue violence™." is copyrighted and a trademark of Ryan J Herle under US and International Law. Commercial use is prohibited.
"TEA SPOON™" is copyrighted and a trademark of Ryan J Herle under US and International Law. Commercial use is prohibited.
©Ryan J Herle, 2012
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